OMG, everyone knows about my medical condition (heart on wrong side) and thinks I’m pregnant?

Devastating. This means that any of our competitors can see all of our secret projects, and I have been outed against my will.

You have always been very vocal about your sexuality, Aidan, as long as I’ve known you? By the way, is this current conversation also being broadcast live? If so I will zip my lips.

Nick, please answer to me how this came to be.

Yo yo just getting back from filling out a police report re: my bike, I will look into this issue…

Affirmative. There is open access to our intranet site, and there has been since day one.

This is bad, Nick. Dean, my partner, is very upset at how he may have been portrayed here in my references to him. He also asks that everyone forward around his website (http://drdeanpayne.com/) due to the recession.

Didn’t anyone ever go to our web site and notice this? I did not, as I have been literally busy every minute of my work day.

I did, but I thought it was just my own personal password saved there.

Me too!

I am not ashamed of the behavior I have shown in my messages on this site. I recommend you all read “Big Brothers” by George Orwell: we were always being watched. Let this be a lesson of the new millennium.

Oh, SHUT UP, Nick! Do you realize what you’ve done?!

I worked hours and hours to get this Intranet site up and running, I am not hearing, nor have I ever heard ANY gratitude or positive waves AT ALL. Please also remember that I did not have access to bourgois education, so my computer science skills were all learned ON THE STREETS and at community college.

Repair this tangelfük NOW.

Nick I still do not see the problem fixed. Please remove the open door to our Intranet NOW or I will deliver some drastic consequence.

On it. Site goes back to invisible in 5…4…3…2…1…

OMG! Are those real Mexicans? Too funny.

I love it! Very avant-garde. Gayle King meets Allen Funt. This is the exact kind of programming Wonder Glen has been searching for…Nice work Nick.

Is this legal?

I am affirmative on this. Now to most important puzzle stick, what does this people want?

“Wealth and rank are what people desire, but unless they are obtained in the right way they may not be possessed.”–Confusious

We can give half.

You think you took a cab to Brennigan’s? Or you know you took a cab, but you think you left your bike in the foyer?

Miriam, seriously: PEACE. I am in the middle of the 72 hour cayenne/honeywater Vipusthnasta.

I think I can help: that silver bike with the duck tape? It was definitely locked to the vending machine downstairs last night at 10. Dean and I swung by on our way back from Coi to get my Lang Lang CD.

FUUUUUUUCK! Just found the broken lock. I had been eco-commuting to Wonderglen due to some racism issues with the DMV. That bike was a Surly “Fixie” that I bartered for some hacky-sack design work. She will be mourned. A little bit of the earth was killed by a terrorist today.

Sorry to hear about your bike, Nick. You should totally check out this web site: someonestolemybike.com! At least you can get some consilation that you’re not alone!!

I will be celebrating Kwanzaa with my friends Raven and Mario (1/4th African-American). However, I respect the historical Jesus and his message. Peace.

Thank you so much, Miriam. Christmas has gotten me through some of life’s hardest moments

Dean and I are going to Christmas brunch at Fauché. It’s the one day when Dean allows himself to drink champagne. Wish me luck!

No thank you. If you saw up close a puma eat a boy’s scapula off, then you would have no reason for there being a god. Religion is not important, what’s important is to everyone enjoy your vacation! See you in the new year WonderGlen!

Shalom, Nick, and thank you for reminding me, Dean gave me a bucket of Hanukkah geld, which is just chocolate coins wrapped in foil, and it’s on my desk for anyone to enjoy! Here are some pics to whet your appetites:

It’s a shame that we are not even allowed to say “Merry Christmas” anymore.

That’s hurtful, Miriam: Dean actually flipped to Judaism for me, but both of us are thinking of going Quaker now because of peace and the furniture that they make.

Amen.

Huh?

That is so fun! Dean printed his business info on those Jewish poker chips. What a great way to reach out! Yum!

Wow that is very intense , but isn’t Xmas the day we celebrate the birth of Jesus? For my card, I have always been a big fan of babies dressed up like Santa or an angel.

It’s no surprise that the Christians are colonizing Christmas more than ever. As an alternative, what about this card? It which could be a nondenominational celebration of the female body as well as all holidays:

The background is artwork my boy Mario made on a concrete wall at the yard where they repair buses. I thought it would further encourage forms of alt. expression/exploration among our mailing list.

This is fun! Let’s keep this discussion going.

I went with Harvey Milk because he showcases that miracles truly do happen.

Ya, this is what we are sending:

The bosmongool with the sack is dressed as Zwarte Piet. He’s the traditional companion to Sinter Claus. In Netherland culture, all the children knows Piet well, he is like a Negro smurf.

According to dogpile, “Sinter Claus” is indeed the Dutch equivalent to “Santa” Claus. And “bosmongool” means “forest mongoloid”.

This is my worst nightmare. If any of them touched my stuff with their claws I literally don’t think I could set foot in my office ever again.

They are probably more scared of you. I am heading in. I’ll deal with it. Everyone hang tight.

Please do not harm these animals.

Holy sh#t. Excuse me - it’s about 8 raccoons in there, including a silverback male. I’m outta here.

Sent from my iPhone.

I have paged to my associate, Iancu. Wait tight, then he and I will see what to do.

OK. Problems solved. Everybody back to work. Please bring a rubber gloves and some sponge just in case of anything left over, raccoon-wise. It is one of nature most devil-like rodents.

I am shocked at this. Shocked.

No animals was harmed. Iancu make a plastic tunnel that they slide out, right into his van, and the rest is history. Only one raccoon need to be subdued, so everybody relax and then go back to work!

It actually looks OK in here. I wouldn’t have known they were here.

You will see the kitchen is destroyed as well as the nice backpack that belong to Nick, which some racoons used as a pinata. Let’s get a person in to tidy up. Miriam, find a worker - limit it under $6/hr.

Actually just noticing that the raccoons ate some of Sarah’s computer, but Nick’s is fine, along with his “bonsai tree.”

Briefcase is a doomsday kit and must remain next to front exit of building.

I sincerely apologize.  I will get the coffee mug and the moccasins out of there.

My friend Carlos is coming by to get the duffle bag in the next couple weeks.

I am so sorry people didn’t like my Christmas angel.  I spent all weekend making it and came in on the weekend so it would surprise people when they came in today.  My fault for trying to add some cheer.

I guess the doll is o.k.  It’s just the feet that creep me out.  It reminds me of when I was pigeon-toed and had to wear a brace to bed.  It also reminds me of when my Nana was in a coma but it looked like she was looking at you wherever you were.

Can you learn to like her?

Too late, I gave that kabouter to my ridgebacks.  

OK, but I was doing time sheets, so this may delay our paychecks.

You don’t have to bake it a first communion cake. Chop the frozen rat for it and he will make a speedy resolution!

Pieter I have fed Orson but his color looks unusual. Here is a cel phone picture to show you that his skin is orange colored.

That is fine. Mix some root beer with expresso and place in a ramekin in his cage. You need to whistle at the time you place it down there so he will refrain from shredding up your hand. Heads up, and thank you.

Wha?

I totally agree!

Sarah, you’re going to have to be more specific, hon. Do you mean sanitary napkin disposal?

Isn’t that already there? That white metal mailbox?

Do you mean men leaving the toilet seat up?

In Holland they got that solved. It even know if you’re a man or a lady or even if you’ve got to dump or piss with a laser.

Well until Sarah chimes in, I do think the gentlemen could do a better job of wiping up

We all know it, but we won’t admit it: men should sit down. It’s leftover from the Masculocracy. I promise to my sisters at Wonderglen to change.

Wow. This is important even if it’s hard to talk about: Nature is not always pretty: women have periods, yes. Men have penises. Yes. And they can sometimes spray the rim of the seat or the floor. And yes, there is a lot of sexism in bathroom design and I think WG can take an important step towards a brighter more progressive and gender-equitable space. Thank you Sarah, for your courage.

I just got back and all I can say is: OHMIGOD, gross!!!! I didn’t mean any of that! I meant the color. All of the women’s bathrooms in college were painted women’s colors: teal, coral. aqua. This one is like … beige.

No we’re not painting the bathroom. And no guys is gonna’ pee like an animal, sitting down — not on my watch. I MEAN IT.

OHMIGOD! “Begulpaca” came out when I was a senior in college. Me and my friends would go and we’d all be crying! Except my friend Rachel, she said that she couldn’t cry b/c of taking Effexor.

First, Begulpaca was a piece of shit. But this is serious. A) Why are you publicly stating something that’s private (mail and phone calls)? B) If Aidan or Pieter is jumping ship WE SHOULD KNOW NOW!

I think you just answered your own question. This is a rare example when privacy is trumped by our need to know. Guys?

I have no immediate plans to seek other employment. I’ll be out of the office until 2 p.m.

DUDE! That proves it. WTF!?

Does this mean Wonderglen is going bankrupt? Should I ask my friend who makes “Pegacorn” purses if I could work with her?

Calm it! Just called Pradeev Samir over at B + S. Aidan is not receiving any enticements. What is happening is that Jim Begley is suing Aidan because his garage is encroaching and the dog pissed all over something. They will settle for $750. I think that’s all this is.

If Aidan goes, I go. Probably to start my own Goji juice business.

Wow! It’s nice to know I’m wanted! I’m so sorry if this caused anyone to worry. I love each and every one of you here, and I love our mission. I made it very clear to them that I would be staying at Wonderglen and would not entertain ANY offer from them.

You mean they made you an offer?

I never let them.

But they were going to make you an offer?

Again, I immediately let them know how happy I was at WG! They never had a chance …

Then you ripped out your checkbook and paid for the piss damage on Jim Begley’s Porsche Targa. WORK NOW, PLEASE.

That is fake, Miriam. It’s a man, and they do gain calories. If you are struggling with weight or body issues, there are a lot of resources available — see a nutiritionologist! Even writing down what you eat has been shown to keep your mind conscience of your diet and help you limit your food intake. All of us develop some unhealthy eating habits from childhood, including body-images issues. The important thing is to have a positive attitude and reduce the amount of food you are consuming!

K, kiddo, I don’t think I was going to go and eat 7,000 calories tonight and lift Gerry, but thanks!

This area is solely dedicated to inspirational contents, which this gosspiping is not!

I am not sure where this is coming from. Who was complaining?

I asked for a day off in two months to see an amazing Dij player.

I wasn’t complaining, but I asked if there was a way to do a better job of getting payroll turned around. Is that off limits?

I don’t think I complained. I asked if there were any projects I could get more responsibility on.

Are these the comments that you were referring to, Pieter?

Neverminds! I don’t feel like discussing about it. I have lost 55% of my stocks portfolios in Asian markets. This means no Wyoming Elk trips this year and having to buy cheaper cars. Kak!!!!!

You nailed the bull in the eyeball, Sarah. Casting will probably be cheaper this way.

Yo Nick here, diving back in on this project. I agree with Aidan’s take on using this as a vehicle for peace and healing.

I am back on board 110%.

Peace,

N.

Dean = not necessary. Glad you’re back with the show, Aidan.

Please keep me in mind with these kinds of projects! I speak Spanish

FYI, everyone: I am also available to pitch in a helping hand in times of crisis such as this in the future. However, I would appreciate the respect of being asked to do so. Please don’t make me have to ask you if I can help out. It’s degrading.

I am checking the Intranet from home! This is not true, everyone! It was the stomach flu, or I may still be recovering from the LSD in Nick’s brownies Thank you for the thoughts, though Miriam!

Pieter, I think that link is wrong . Nick, please delete his link? Now.

Miriam, that is so sweet. Thank you (even though I could have done without the hunting story and the photo!). Lance and I have plans to visit my mom. We usually go to a Chinese restaurant for T-Day.

Thank you for the invite Miriam! Dean has a Thanskgiving tradition of not taking off his robe from Thursday morning till Sunday night and going off his diet for four days. I have to watch over him, and maybe get in my robe with a fresh cup of coffee for a couple of those days!

NO thank you I am taking a honeyglaze on my boat to Catalina.

Hey everyone, Brenningans has put up a really touching tribute to Barry on their web site.

http://brenniganshole.com/bullseye.html

DISAPPOINTMENT. Hobbit House is in the rubbish bin. Bad idea, bad execution, we fucked this one in every hole. Sarah messed up location, Nick botched the shoot, and Barry was a disaster and a joke. In the Netherlands he is what we would call a “pisvlek” – a piss stain.

So, we’re OK doing the Lightning Rods show?

Yes.

I’m not coming in today.

We should not do the Lightning Rods show.

Peace, Nick

What’s wrong Nick?

LSESSI blew me off, so I started surfing around the web for stuff on lightning strike survivors and I viewed some hella sick shit. I need a day of fasting and meditation with the peace pipe. Internal healing.

Yes, I know from Dean’s experience it can be hard to see what survivors have gone through.

No. This is way different, man. I can tell you now that there is nothing wrong with Dean. These photos I saw made me throw up. It’s sicker than the two girls and one cup video.

I think we need to discuss Nick’s concerns about “Lightning Rods.” I think what he’s saying is important: We don’t need to exploit and abuse weak people to make good content.

“Emancipate yourself with mental slavery” —Bob Marley

What did you see, Nick?

Zombies.

OMG.

Yes, Sarah, it can be very serious and very sad. (Since he was struck, Dean has begun to act “drunk” after only a few glasses of wine.)

We should not do this show. Game over.

This is a business, not a AIDS ride. This could be the biggest show on television, or it could be a no-ratings kinder-ködl.

What if we just change the show idea a little bit, like if we have lightning survivors but they get a makeover and new clothes?

No.

Maybe we can have them get hit by lightning, but in a respectful way?

I believe that reality TV can be profitable and positive. Remember why we got into this.

What if we had the lightning strike bad people: rapists or people who torture horses?

This is not a option, folks. We’re doing the show as is.

I’m not so sure I can be involved with this.

Ditto. Peace.